Moti, Moti, Not a lot of motivation.

Friday. Yay. The end of the week is finally here. For most Americans, that is every weekend. For us, not so much. We have been lucky to get the weekends that we have. Sad thing is, we haven't done a whole lot. Today, I drove to Miramar and back twice, over to 33 area, down to supply and that was about it. I accomplished a lot today. Yesterday, I printed a map product, a useless one made to go on an office wall, and then cleaned a bunch. I have blisters on my hands from sweeping. I have yet to touch my rifle. Since AT I have done one thing specific to the Marine Corps, a hump last monday morning. Everything else has been very dull. Lame in fact. Tonight, I am not feeling very motivated. Don't get me wrong. I love the Marine Corps. But really? Sometimes it is just dumb. I want to be careful here. My superiors can read this. I want to be honest though. I want you all to see what we feel here. What its like here. Thats the whole point.
Lately, not many enlisted non-staff have had a lot of confidence in their superiors. Most of the enlisted have also been very unmotivated. Moral is very low. At least in Headquarters and Service. No one really seems to know what is going on. Our schedule is in no way set, even a day out. We don't know where we are going, and they seem to be making stuff up for us to do. We in H&S aren't getting much training. No MCMAP, (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program), no real training. A few of us have gotten slated for schools, but not all of us. Those that don't get to go to any additional training feel pretty jipped. Half the time, things end up bungled, and behind schedule. Tasks seem rediculous. Our living conditions are a squad bay, staff and officers a holiday inn off base. Pool, cable, internet, TGI Fridays. We keep getting told we don't clean well enough. We had two all out field days this week. We have a wall locker to keep all our gear and anaything personal we own in. Rank has its priveleges, but its begining to feel like its being rubbed in. We have xbox 360's now, and some other little entertainment stuff, but really, thats not what we care about. We want to train. We want to get better. We want to be treated with respect, as men. The Lance Corporals from 3/24 proper out of St. Louis that didn't get their MCI's done before May 1st got a page 11 NJP. Its a slap on the rist really, but its permanently in your record, and looks bad. They had roughly a weeks warning. It takes longer than that to get an MCI shipped to your house. That angered a lot of them.
I want to be careful because I don't want to reflect negatively on any Marines here. I am writing this from basically the bottom of the chain as far as leadership goes. I don't know what goes on up top. I just know that from where we sit, a lot of Marines are very discontent. To add to our low moral is the expectations about our mission. As far as we can see, we won't even leave the wire in Iraq. We aren't going to war. Our deployment looks like an involuntary, very boring vacation compared to those that went before. You may think that would be motivating. But that is like being a policeman who never did more than hand out tickets for rolling stops and stop signs or a doctor who never treated anything more than a cold. Not having a real mission is dissapointing. It makes us feel like second class Marines. We aren't real warriors, just security guards for a base. Is it true? I don't know. But that is how it feels. As far as most of us know, we may never get to do our actual MOS in Iraq. We may never get a chance to in our careers. Its a once in a life time opportunity that feels like it is being squandered.
I am trying to stay motivated. I am trying to have a good attitude. I know that my superiors have been in a lot longer than me and they see a lot more than I do. I know that regardless, they are my superiors, and therefore they will recieve my respect. I have a job here, whether it be as an analyst, a rifleman if asked too, or just a janitor in cammies. I will do my best at it. I am a Marine. Its not easy though. Boredom and games are getting to us. Right now, it sucks to be here. Thnk God for this weekend. We need it badly. Hopefully, we can come back from Memorial day with a fresh breath of air, and a renewed attitude. We still have a long way to go. We haven't even left the country yet. Eleven more months till our orders end.
I pray that God would help me to keep a good attitude. I prya that He will help us all. Right now I am over a thousand miles from home. I miss green, weird as it is, nothing is really green here. Even the green is yellowy. I miss trees, I miss good radio stations. I miss my friends and family. I miss my own room, my own space, my own shower. I miss my car, I miss freedom. I'm tired of cleaning, I am tired of games. I wish I could finish my school. I could go on and on. In the end though. I am still on my rack in Camp Pendleton. I am still a Marine, and I still have to go to Iraq. I will make the best of it. Not because of me. Because that is what God has called me to. I am here for a reason. We all are.